qozpvn

It was Memorial Day week-end, and something I've enjoyed for many years, is to watch the Indianapolis 500 race! I'm not, necessarily, a racing fan, but I live in Albuquerque, New Mexico, and it is home to the famous Unser racing family. Between them, they have NINE Indy 500 wins...four victories for Al Unser, Sr who is tied with A.J. Foyt and Rick Mears for most Indy wins; three wins for his brother Bobby Unser; and two wins for Al's son...Little Al. Because of this, I watched the race, to pull for the Unser family of racers!

There has always been a woman in the race for the past several years, and that's the way it should be. If a woman and her team can qualify, give her the wheel. But, this year was different! All 33 drivers in this field were women...that's right, women! Scary, eh?

I watched on television, as so many other racing fans did across the country...and I couldn't believe my eyes. I must have looked like a "tree full of owls," watching television! Not only the 33 drivers were women, but all the pit crews were women, too! The 300,000 fans in the stands were all women; the broadcasters were women; the reporters were women; there was a peanut girl; a popcorn girl; a soft drink girl...NOT A MAN IN SIGHT! "What's going on here?" I thought to myself! There were no men anywhere to be seen!

My eyes were glued to the television set, as I could not imagine 33 "women drivers," racing at the Indy 500...all doing over 200 miles per hour! I DIDN'T WANT TO WATCH...but I had to!

Nothing like this had ever happened before, so I went to the newspaper the day of the race, to read more about it, and to get the starting line-up. One of the headlines in the sports page read, "Record speed set at Indianapolis 500 of 287.5 miles per hour!" "WOW!" We've got some lead-foots out there! There was not even e man in the stands...nowhere to be seen! "Could women be taking over the world"...I thought to myself! As I read the newspaper, the Indy field of the 33 drivers went like this:

Row 1; (Pole) Robyn Hood; Kitty Litter; Penny Arcade

Row 2; Honey Bunns; Candice Piper; Ginger Snapps

Row 3; April Showers; Tiffiny Holbrooke; Savannah Georgia

Row 4; Kandy Barr; Heidi Smith; Madison Avenue

Row 5; Crystal Bahl; Carmen Sanchez; Rose Budde

Row 6; Sparkle Plenty; Jane Doe; Sara Jones

Row 7; Misty Moonlight; Gloria Campos; Carole Carroll;

Row 8; Bunny Hoppe; Susan SuranWrap; Candy Cane

Row 9; Heather Stratton; Mia Culpa; Georgia Onmymind

Row 10; Kelli Kelly; Tootsie Rolle; Betty Krocker

Row 11; Brooke Trout; Pinkie Luzinsky; Billie Goat

LADIES...START YOUR ENGINES!

Laying rubber and smoke everywhere...these women meant business, as the race got started! And, I must have looked like a "tree full of owls," as I watched the race on television! Thirty three women race car drivers...all in one place, doing over 200 miles! I was scared to death that something awful would happen! After all, this had never happened before! I had to look away at the start! But, as the race progressed...the women were doing pretty good! They didn't drive like the "men drivers," and there were no accidents...and everything ran smoothly for the entire race!

I think this was as much a fashion show as a race! Only one black car in the race, the incredible "Black Widow" car...and the driver dressed in purple from head to toe! WOW! The "Silver Bullet" car, trimmed in pink: the "Diamonds Are Forever" car; the most colorful car in the race...the "Born To Shop" car! And, my favorite car, was the one with biscuits and melted butter painted all over it...good enough to eat...the Pillsbury DoughGirl car...yum...yum!

There was no advertising on these cars for oil companies; car parts; gasoline companies, etc. Advertisers and sponsors included: shopping malls; diamond/jewelry companies; cosmetic companies; pickle/ice cream companies; hair coloring companies; flower shops; candy companies; shopping catalog/Internet companies, etc. And get this...over half the cars were sponsored by credit card companies...AMAZING!

A look down Powder Puff Alley (formerly Gasolene Alley), was the tremendous amount of color at the race...all the colorful flowers...the balloons...pink, lavender and aqua blue everywhere! All the teams were dressed in their own colorful uniforms! WOW...what a sight!

Smoke and tire marks all over the race track, as the race went on, and on for over three hours, and finally, the last lap...and it boiled down to a race between Kandy Barr and Susan Suranwrap. This was a fight to the finish...they were neck and neck turning the fourth corner! One driver would take the lead...and then the other...back and forth they went...the crowd was going wild! Down the stretch they came, as they were now side by side, almost touching wheels...as they both screamed past the finish line in a cloud of blue smoke! The crowd was loving it!

Three hundred thousand women, were on their feet rooting them on...and by a few tenths of a second...the 87th running of the Indianapolis 500 race was won by ...Susan SuranWrap...who took the pink and white checkered flag! People in the stands were jumping up and down; screaming and yelling...going crazy! What a day...what a race!

A drive to the winner's circle, was unusual because the traditional black and white winners flag/markings were gone, and replaced with a pink and white flag...splashed with a touch of lavender! Gone, too, was the traditional drink of milk for the winner, as it would now it would be replaced with champagne! On her win, Susan SuranWrap popped the cork...and sprayed everyone around her...high fives for everyone...as she accepted the trophy! Finishing at a distant third was Kitty Litter...and Robyn Hood, and Sparkle Plenty rounded out the top five!

Sleepy-eyed, and looking through glassy and tired eyes, the clock read 2:30 in the morning...the room was spinning around...I'm at a race someplace...women are taking over the world ...tossing and turning all night long...I couldn't get to sleep...why am I at the Indy 500...my head was spinning! Unsure of where I was, and with a little sweat on my brow...I sat up in bed...looked around in a daze! Happily...I was at home...and I sure was relieved that it was only a BAD DREAM!

ARTICLES PUBLISHED: (70+ websites including links); Direct link: http://humordoctormd.homestead.com/articlespublished.html Website name: humordoctormd - Over 150 colorful pages; over 300 graphics http://humordoctormd.homestead.com email; humordoctormd@yahoo.com Copyright; Jerry L. Aragon (The Humor Doctor); 2006